Turbo Cancer: Day 159 - November 17, 2022
The Problem of Suffering
On this day, last year, I wrote:
Good evening.
Because there were no appointments, and my mom was able to stay in bed, today was much less bad.
We heard back from the radiologist, and radiation will start Monday. She will have three treatments next week, and then two more the following week. With the goal of pain relief, they will eradiate three vertebrae in the lumbar spine. The tumor in the cervical vertebrae will be addressed at a later date.
The pain medication dose was increased. As the tumors grow, the pain grows. It is now a matter of getting through these rough days, until the actual relief via radiation is granted.
The results of the bone scan were in, and there were no additional tumors detected. The test had found nothing new. It had been done for nothing.
The receptionist called me and explained to me that this was good news.
She said that it was good that they had been able to rule things out.
She told me that radiation would begin on the following Monday, which was the week of Thanksgiving. My mom would complete three days of radiation before the holiday. The receptionist said that some people had reported miraculous pain relief, after only one treatment. She said that there was a very good chance that my mom would be feeling great by Thanksgiving Day.
The medical center was going to be closed on Thursday and Friday, and my mom would finish her series of five treatments the following week.
In the meantime, the pain medication dose was increased, again. At this point, my mom weighed one hundred and forty six pounds. She was taking thirty-six milligrams of short-acting Oxycontin every four hours. She was taking fifty-four milligrams of long-acting Oxycodone every twelve hours. She was taking six hundred milligrams of Gabapentin every twelve hours. Her pain remained severe. As the minutes ticked by, she was watching the clock, waiting for her next dose.
Until 2022, I had no idea what suffering was. I had no sense of what misery was. I did not know that uncontrollable pain existed. I had lived my life believing that science had found the cure.
I was aware of terminal disease. I understood that we were all going to die.
However, I thought that we had solved the problem of suffering.
I thought that, in America, at least, medical science had discovered “advanced methods for combating pain.” According to my television set, suffering only occurred elsewhere, in poorer, less technologically advanced societies.
According to my television set, our doctors could be trusted to solve all of our problems.
The American medical system has built itself on the foundation of the a lie, which is that “God makes mistakes.” It has become a propaganda machine, programmed to perpetuate that lie. The doctors have been encouraged to believe that they have the ability to recognize and correct the mistake which they purport to have been made by God. They have come to think of themselves as God.
They have come to believe in the system as God.
Once upon a time, I shared that illusion with them.
In 2022, I witnessed the reality.
My mom experienced a level of suffering that only occurs in a war. My mom was a casualty of war. We are in an active war zone. We have an enemy, and we are under attack.
At the very least, we must have the clarity of mind to recognize that fact.
I seems that we will not survive, if we cannot, at the very least, admit that we are, at this moment, under attack.
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I read a lot of substacks, but this is by far the most important. I believe this story and your writing will make a great difference in the world. A pebble that causes a ripple but eventually a wave. In this devastating landscape, I’m proud to see this writing for what it is, as a small but mighty hope. Thank you for being so brave and honest - the world is in desperate need for voices like yours!
You wrote, "My mom experienced a level of suffering that only occurs in a war. My mom was a casualty of war. We are in an active war zone. We have an enemy, and we are under attack."
Yes, at this point I can see it no other way! 💔