Turbo Cancer: Day 124 - October 13, 2022
Grateful for the Window
On this day, last year, my mom wrote:
Bad Lumpy day yesterday. Better so far today. Hope it gets better throughout the day. I’ll try increasing my Gabapentin. Took a little- maybe that’s why it’s a little bit better?
Thank you for friends and for today. Thank you for the window and the birds and the flowers.
The human brain is an ancient design. The brain existed before human thought came into existence. Most of its functions are instinctual. It uses a series of signals and chemicals that control our body processes and our actions.
The brain was designed to seek out pleasure and to avoid pain. That is how we survive. When an infant is safe and when all his needs are met, his brain is content. As soon as his safety is threatened, his brain is activated, causing the young human to cry out.
The brain views pain as danger, and pleasure as safety. When something is perceived as safe and gratifying, the brain releases chemicals that make us feel good. The brain likes to feel good. It’s that simple.
Unfortunately, it is so simple that those who understand it can easily manipulate it.
The human brain was created long before the advent of the technological age. It was created for a time when we lived in the wild. We are built to survive the harshest elements and the most vicious predators. We are hard-wired with intelligence, creativity, innovation, and instinct. We each have the ability within us to live outside of society, with no technology whatsoever.
But we have forgotten ourselves.
In modern day America, we value things. Success is measured by how much stuff a person can accumulate throughout their time on earth. We have been led to believe that the meaning of life is a BMW, a pair of Nikes, or the latest generation of I-phone.
As a result, the connections in our brains are weakening. We no longer understand our strength and our power. Through a life of convenience, we have lost our instinctual ability to survive.
Humans are collectors by their nature. We gather items that serve as memories. We attribute emotional, sentimental, and monetary value to objects that we acquire. We compare our collection of things to the collections of others.
When we enter another’s home, we look around at their stuff. We view a person’s items as a window to their soul. A person’s property is considered to be a reflection of who they are.
It is human nature and we, as a species, are very susceptible to suggestion. When we are told that we need a particular pair of shoes to feel worthy, our brains tend to believe it. When we are told that we must continue to upgrade, to have the best experience, our brains tend to believe it. When we are told that a new car or a new purse or a new pill will solve all our problems, and will provide endless happiness, our brains tend to believe it.
When we acquire an item of desire our brain releases the feel-good chemical, serotonin. Getting new stuff feels great.
But the feeling doesn’t last. The serotonin high is fleeting. The instant, quick moment of pleasure leaves us wanting more. A positive feedback loop is created. We keep acquiring more and more things, so that we can keep experiencing that high, which never lasts.
We all know, deep down inside, that none of the property we acquire will matter in the end. However, the brain is a strange and powerful force. When it tells us we need something, we tend to believe it.
Once we are caught in a positive feedback loop, it is difficult to break free. Lives are wasted because brains seek out pleasure without considering the implications for the future. We become hedonistic.
My mom was not dead, but she also was no longer living. She spent her days trying to get through her pain. She tried so hard. When one strategy didn’t work, she tried another. All she wanted to do was to come out on the other side. But there was no other side.
Here on earth, there was no other side.
Living in pain, at the end of life, my mom listed the things for which she was grateful.
Oddly, after seventy-five years of living in a hedonistic, materialistic society, she never once mentioned gratitude for shoes, phones, cars, purses or jewelry. She wasn’t grateful for the internet, for social media or for television. She wasn’t grateful for fast food, shopping malls or nightclubs.
She wasn’t grateful for any of the things that we have been led to believe are important.
My mom only listed one material object in her daily prayers of gratitude.
My mom was grateful for the window.
She was grateful to be in her chair, looking out the window, watching life. While she sat in her pain, and the seconds ticked by, she was grateful for her friends, for the birds, and for the flowers.
She was grateful for the living. As her own life was ending, she became hyper-aware of the beauty that is here on earth. She died with an understanding of what is important about being alive. She knew that human value resides in the spirit - not in our ability to collect shiny objects made by man.
My mom is my inspiration. My mom is the reason I fight. My mom is the arrow that I will shoot into the fragile glass illusion that we are all expected to accept as reality.
My mom is my light and my guide. With as much power as God will grant to me, I will shine my light on the darkness.
I will shine it for my mom. I will shine it for my sweet angel, Steven. I will shine for my children who are living. I will shine for future generations.
God, please give me your words, and please give me the courage to say them.
Kristi - Stunningly perceptive - thank you & your Mom 🤍✝️💜
Incredibly beautiful tribute, Kristi.
I don't know if your mom can read it now, but one of us will tell her about it in the future, I and we, promise you that.
Godspeed.