Turbo Cancer: Day 123 - October 12, 2022
Twelve Days
On this day, last year, my mom wrote:
Doctor S will do surgery on Lumpy and neck on Oct 24th! So happy - hope of pain relief.
John served my yogurt with flowers on top last night.
My back is sore - probably from the way I walk with Lumpy.
God has a plan and I will follow it.
Could not do this without Kristi. I hate that she has to worry so much over me and Steven. You have kept holding out your hand, and she took it. She has the spirit in her.
“Family members see you in pain and wonder how you can bear it with how bad it is. I look at it with less wonder and more resignation. Thank you for the amnesia that lets us forget pain.” - J Cormody, paraphrased
The visit with Doctor S went well. He could see that the lump had grown since our last appointment. It was clear that my mom was in unbearable pain. He knew that, in asking for this surgery, we were asking for a Hail Mary pass.
Doctor S did not appear as confident as he had the first time that we met him. He didn’t know why the lump had not healed. He didn’t understand the excessive fluid production. He had never seen anything like it before.
He still was unsure about surgery. He wondered why the radiologist hadn’t been able to help. I told him what had been explained to me: “The lump was fluid filled and tumors are solid masses. Where there is fluid, there is no cancer. Radiation only shrinks cancerous cells. because the lump is not cancerous, radiation wouldn’t be effective.”
Doctors are, obviously, concerned about liability. I was asking for something risky. I was asking for an experimental procedure on an unknown pathology. I was asking for surgery with unknown outcomes.
I was asking Doctor S to do this for us, because we had nobody else to do it. There was no plan B. I was certain that, if Doctor S said no, my mom’s body would be overwhelmed by fluid, once again. Doctor S already understood what had occurred, he knew what had led up to my mom’s current condition. There was no time to seek out different surgeons, or to attempt alternative treatments.
Doctor S was unsure, until he looked into my mom’s eyes. She looked back at him with a mixture of pain, fear and hope. She was hopeful that God would fill Doctor S with compassion. She was hopeful that God would fill Doctor S with knowledge. She was hopeful that God would fill Doctor S with skill.
Doctor S gazed at my mom for a lingering moment, and then said: “Oh, sweetie, I can’t say no to you. Something is feeding that thing in your groin- let’s see if we can figure out what it is.”
Regardless of his doubts, he agreed to help. The surgery was scheduled for October 24th. Doctor S planned to remove Lumpy. He would then attempt to locate the leaky lymphatic ducts and tie them off.
In addition to her groin, we showed Doctor S the new lump on my mom’s neck. He did not know what that was, either. He said that he would remove it while he removed Lumpy.
Both the neck nodule and Lumpy were to be biopsied. The results would give us a better understanding of the disease.
Finally, there would be some answers.
We hoped that there would be some answers.
Doctor S was not certain that surgery would lead to pain relief. He was not sure if he could divert the flow of the fluid. He said that he could not make any promises. My mom’s disease was bizarre. He was unsure of how her body would react.
All that there was left to do was wait. Only twelve days until surgery. Only twelve days until answers. Only twelve days until pain relief.
“Okay, sweet Mama. We just need to hang on for twelve more days.”
🤍
🤍💞🤍