Turbo Cancer: Day 121 - October 10, 2022
Monsters
On this day, last year, my mom wrote:
Lumpy day - painful, growing.
Started painting. Slow process. More fun when more done.
Thank You for today, for life. Help me with my attitude.
Throughout my mom’s illness, no matter how bad things got, she remained sweet and kind.
To me, it felt as if she had become my child.
In my life, I have been the caregiver of at least one thousand young children. That means that at least one thousand young children have looked to me as: “The person who will keep me safe from this big scary world, until mommy and daddy come back.”
That is a huge responsibility.
Every child I have ever known was sweet, loving and kind. They came into the world that way. All they needed to retain their sweetness was a person whom they could trust to care for them, and to keep them safe.
Childhood hurts. We live in a big, scary world, full of danger, and children are helpless. When humans are tiny, and still learning to use their body, everything is a threat. From the sidewalk that skins their knee. to the monsters that are found lurking around every corner.
Children need adults who recognize the monsters, and who keep the monsters at bay.
When children are hurting, whether physically or emotionally, they seek out: “The person who will keep me safe.” When the scary part of the world threatens them, they look to that person with wide eyes, filled with a combination of fear, love, and trust. They expect that person to protect them.
My mom, because of her pain, had become helpless. Like a child, she was fragile and vulnerable. She found herself in a big, scary world, with monsters lurking in dark corners. She was defenseless.
Despite all that, when she looked at me, it was with wide eyes. What I saw in them was a combination of fear, love, and trust. It was a look that I knew very well. For my mom, I had become: “The person who will hold my hand while I am fighting the demons.”
Throughout it all, my mom remained sweet and kind.
Throughout it all, she remained grateful.
Kindness requires incredible strength. Many do not understand that kindness itself, is both a weapon, and a shield. The purpose of the broken is to create more broken. They always fail when they come across one with a pure spirit and faith in God.
The truly kind are incorruptible. My mom went through a lot in her life, even before turbo cancer. She was mistreated. She was taken advantage of. She was used and abused.
None of it broke her.
Men of pure evil had had her injected with a bioweapon. Mutated cells spread throughout her system, destroying her internally. Her freedom and autonomy were replaced with debilitation and dependence. She expected all her remaining days to be painful and exhausting. She understood that her suffering would continue. She knew that freedom from the torture meant death.
Still, she refused to be broken. She started each day with a smile and with gratitude.
My mom was attacked - physically, emotionally and spiritually. However, she never became bitter or angry. Like an innocent child, she remained calm, curious, and friendly.
My mom prayed for a good attitude, and God answered her prayers.
I'm going through a long illness (8 weeks so far). I have hope that I'll get better but as each day passes and I'm still not on my feet it's tough. Your mom's gratitude and attitude inspires me to live the same. Thank you for sharing all this.
Your Gifts shine through your writings.