Turbo Cancer: Day 155 - November 13, 2022
Boring
On this day, last year, my mom did not write.
It had been five months since I took her to the emergency room with a stomach ache. It was determined that the pain was caused by stage IV metastatic pancreatic cancer. Oddly, no cancer had been found in her pancreas. The pancreatic cancer cells had taken up residence and proliferated in the lymph nodes of her left groin.
In a five month period, this highly aggressive, turbo charged form of cancer had continued to grow and spread, at an alarming rate.
My mom fought for her life, but this rare, destructive, insatiable disease was relentless.
On this day, last year, my mom was tired.
Her energy was focused on dying. She was spending less time interacting with the living.
She was in the final stage of human development. This was the time to consider all of the lessons learned throughout her life on earth. It was the time to come to a conclusion about the meaning of those lessons. It was the time to prepare to take what had been learned back home, to God.
I thought about what my mom had written in her final journal entry. There was one word that, to me, seemed out of place: “Boring.” It seemed so odd that my mom was feeling bored.
After much consideration, I realized the importance of the words that followed the word “boring”: “Need God to enter my day.” I believe that, with those two phrases combined, my mom was saying something quite profound.
She had been getting depressed. She had become distant. She had not been wanting visitors or phone calls or any other social interaction. She had been giving in to the pain and to the disease. She had been allowing her suffering to pull her focus away from God.
Without God, her life had quickly become a series of sad, empty, meaningless days. Without God, all of the beauty and joy had faded. Without God, she was despondent.
Without God, life was boring.
It was despair. It was emptiness. It was what Steven felt. It was the pain that he had attempted to suppress.
We all experience these feelings. They are a part of life. We live in fear. We feel small. We feel powerless. We hurt. We are lonely. We feel meaningless. We become selfish. We give in to darkness.
We are bored.
Without God entering our days, life is boring.
Life is empty.
Without God, there is no hope.
To support my work, make a one-time donation or purchase my art, visit my ko-fi site:
How incredibly true. Without Gid, there is no life. None. Zero!
Nothing!
💟✝️💟