Turbo Cancer: Day 111 - September 30, 2022
Living Things
On this day, last year, my mom wrote:
Chemo yesterday and still feel fine - no nausea 😊.
Doctor T taking lumpy more seriously. Going to lymph clinic and then possible surgeon.
The day before was chemo. We were waiting for side effects.
Two days before this day, Father Kris had come over to perform The Sacrament of The Sick. My mom couldn’t stop talking about it. It had meant the world to her that the priest was willing to come to her house. She had never met this priest before.
My mom’s church of fifty years, St. Iraneus, closed around the time she got sick. Her congregation was combined with another church in a nearby town, Infant Jesus of Prague.
As a result of her debilitating pain, my mom had not been well enough to attend the final mass at St. Iraneus, or to visit Infant Jesus of Prague. Turbo Cancer had left her feeling church-less.
Once he had been told about my mom, Father Kris came without hesitation. He has a gentle disposition, and an undeniably kind spirit.
There is a certain look on the face of young children when they discover something for the first time. It is a look of awe, amazement, excitement and wonder. That was the look on Father Kris’ face, when he saw my mom’s garden and birds.
He pointed and exclaimed: “Look, so much life!”
I was born in 1971. While I was raised Catholic, I was part of a generation that was turned away from tradition. When I was a teenager, in the 1980s, I was a head-banging, slam-dancing, anti-establishment, anarchist punk-rocker. I was a victim of an ideological, social contagion, designed to prey on the developmentally rebellious brain of the adolescent.
As a teenager, I stopped going to church with my mom.
I did, however, always see God in every single living thing. For me, God has always existed in the natural occurrences of the universe. I have been constantly amazed by the world around me and incredibly grateful to live on a planet with such an abundance of life.
The simple fact that I am able to use my brain to make my fingers move, proves to me that God does exist, and that we are all part of a plan. Nature works by design. Everything about life on Earth had to have been conceptualized prior to creation. There is a deliberate balance. Everything we need has already been provided for us.
The more I recognize the gifts we have been given, the more I realize that we don’t actually need the system, at all. God provides an abundance of food, water, air, medicine and shelter. Faith provides a sense of belonging, safety and love.
What more is there?
I have, at times, questioned organized religion. However, I have never questioned the existence of God. The existence of life, in its various forms, has had me convinced that there is a higher power of absolute intelligence and love.
I believe in the Bible. I believe that the stories are not only true, but that we live those stories, in different time periods, and with different characters, over and over again.
Slaves overcome tyrants, and then new tyrants emerge. It is always the same story.
Whether we face tyrants in personal relationships, at work, or in the wide world, God has told us, through his stories, that he wants us to be free. We have been instructed, by the one true authority, to fight for liberty.
I wasn’t sure how I would feel about attending the Sacrament of the Sick. I was nervous that I would seem out of place. I was anxious about talking to the priest, or to the other guests. I was emotionally fragile. I didn’t want to be noticed.
However, my mom had asked me to be there. She thought it might help with my pain. I sat on the couch with my head bowed. I didn’t speak. I watched and I listened.
Father Kris had a deep appreciation for my mom’s yard and her bird sanctuary. He had a look of wonder when he gazed out at the garden my mom had cultivated, and the life that she had invited. He was excited to see so many different flowers and birds.
I liked him.
We had something in common.
He could see God in every living thing.
He told my mom that he had heard about all of the good she had done for the community. He reported that her friends had spoken of her unfaltering kindness, gentleness, intelligence and compassion. He made her feel appreciated for her stewardship.
He made her feel appreciated for her time on earth.
He made her feel appreciated for the life that she had lived.
I do not remember the sacrament itself. I do, however, remember an uplifting sense of peace. I remember feeling loved and supported by God.
Beautiful
Father Kris saw the beauty of God in your mom & her work.
Thank You for this. Thank You Very Much.